Lyrics
IF I WAS IN A SCARY MOVIE
PART 5 — THE GHOST
[Intro] We ran across the street,
Didn't even know where the hell we were going.
I looked back…
The doll was gone.
I said,
“Okay… maybe we're safe.”
Then my girl whispered,
“Baby…”
I said,
“What?”
She pointed behind me.
I turned around.
The ghost was standing six inches from my face.
I screamed so hard
I think I scared the ghost.
[Verse 1] White-ass ghost floating off the floor,
Hair in her face, knocking on the door.
She said, “Leave this place…”
I said,
“Gladly!
Can you show me where the fucking exit is?”
She just stared at me.
I stared right back.
She floated closer.
I said,
“Listen, lady…
I'm already having a terrible night.”
She screamed.
I screamed.
My girl screamed.
Then we all stood there like—
“Okay… who the fuck is going first?”
[Chorus] If I was in a scary movie,
I'm not fighting with a ghost.
You can't punch what ain't got a body—
That's some bullshit I hate the most.
If she floats through the damn wall,
I'm not following her inside.
She can keep her haunted mansion—
I'M TAKING MY ASS OUTSIDE!
[Verse 2] I pulled out my phone.
No signal.
Of course.
I said,
“Every horror movie has no fucking Wi-Fi!”
My girl said,
“Call somebody!”
I said,
“WHO?!”
Then my phone started ringing.
Unknown number.
I answered it.
A voice said,
“I'm standing behind you.”
I slowly turned around.
Nobody there.
I looked at my girl.
She said,
“Who was it?”
I said,
“Probably Verizon.”
[Bridge] Then the ghost appeared in the mirror.
I looked at her.
She looked at me.
I said,
“Can we talk about this like adults?”
She pointed behind me.
I said,
“What?”
She pointed again.
I turned around.
THE KILLER WAS STANDING THERE.
I screamed,
“OH COME THE FUCK ON!”
The killer looked at the ghost.
The ghost looked at the killer.
They both looked at me.
I said,
“Wait…”
“Y'all know each other?!”
[Outro] The ghost started floating toward me.
The killer started walking toward me.
I looked around for somewhere to run.
Then I saw a bicycle.
I grabbed it.
Jumped on.
And screamed—
“FUCK THIS HAUNTED BULLSHIT!”
I pedaled away as fast as humanly possible.
Behind me, the killer yelled,
“YOU CAN'T ESCAPE!”
I yelled back—
“WATCH ME, MOTHERFUCKER!” [END OF PART 5]