Two-Steppin' in my Underoos

Verse 1

I told the foreman my truck wouldn't crank,

Then I drove past the job site straight to the bank.

I cashed my whole paycheck and bought a cold case,

With a rebellious smile stuck on my face.

I locked up the screen door and pulled down the shades,

To start the best hooky day I ever made.

Verse 2

I’m eating cold brisket straight out of the pan,

A highly chaotic, half-naked man.

In retro John Wayne gear from nineteen-eighty,

The waistline is tight and the fabric is sweaty.

I crank up old Waylon on my stereo set,

And start a one-person backyard jet.

Chorus

Two-stepping alone in my Underoos,

Stepping all over my cowboy shoes.

I drop to my knees for a power slide,

And scratch up my skin on the kitchen side.

The project managers can kiss my ass,

While I line-dance in front of the glass.

Verse 3

The big boss man hits my phone with a ring,

While I am busy trying to porch-swing.

I chuck my device in the old watering trough,

To cut the connection and shut the man off.

I grab my acoustic and strum a loud chord,

Praising the day that I baffled the board.

Bridge

I hear a loud rumble at quarter to three,

The mailman is driving right up to my tree.

He drops off a box and he glances inside,

Seeing a grown man with nowhere to hide.

I freeze like a deer in the high-beam headlights,

Standing right there in my cartoon tights.

Chorus

Two-stepping alone in my Underoos,

Stepping all over my cowboy shoes.

I drop to my knees for a power slide,

And scratch up my skin on the kitchen side.

The project managers can kiss my ass,

While I line-dance in front of the glass.

Outro

The country sun's setting, the freedom is done,

But nobody can say that I didn't have fun.

Tomorrow I’ll put on my work boots and vest,

And act like a man who just needed some rest.

But I was the champion of staying home,

The wild cowboy under the dome.