The Basement Paladin

Verse 1

Milk stains on your guilded shirt

Searching for loot in the kitchen dirt

Your blade is blunt

Your armor is a literal laundry bin

Dragons breathe fire

But your mother breathes down your neck

Waiting for rent

And you still haven't found a job

Pre-Chorus

Level ninety-nine on the screen

But your bedroom is smelling mean

Plastic gold crowns

Glued to your receding hair

Chorus

He is the slayer of chips

The slayer of snacks

The conqueror of

The queen-sized bed in the basement

The slayer of trolls

On an internet board

Fear the warrior

Who sleeps with a nightlight on

Fear the warrior

He is still living at home

Verse 2

Pizza crusts line your dungeon floor

A terrifying sight

Slaying a boss

Then asking for some apple juice

Heavy breathing

During every single cutscene skip

Victory yells

Echo through the heating vents

Pre-Chorus

Mountain dew in a crystal glass

You aren't going to let this pass

Fake leather boots

Tripping on a charging cord

Chorus

He is the slayer of chips

The slayer of snacks

The conqueror of

The queen-sized bed in the basement

The slayer of trolls

On an internet board

Fear the warrior

Who sleeps with a nightlight on

Fear the warrior

He is still living at home

Bridge

Wash your socks

Clear the dishes

No more dragons

Only wishes

Call the healer

Need a snack

Watch your posture

Save your back

Chorus

He is the slayer of chips

The slayer of snacks

The conqueror of

The queen-sized bed in the basement

The slayer of trolls

On an internet board

Fear the warrior

Who sleeps with a nightlight on

Fear the warrior

He is still living at home