Irish Cailin Versus New York City Thugs

From Dublin town a young Kayleen packed her case with care

Before college claimed her day she crossed the ocean air

She kissed her mam, she waved goodbye and boarded full of cheer

With one small purse and grand plans for her American year

She saw the Lady Liberty, her torch held to the sky

Then walked the Brooklyn Bridge and watched the boats go by

At Rockefeller Center, she spun around with glee

Then Times Square flashed like Christmas wrapped in electricity

What a holiday, what a tale to tell

New York gave it trouble, but Dublin gave it hell

When rogues come looking for an easy little score

They might find a tiny army hiding in the drawer

Through Central Park she wandered, humming softly to herself

When three lads in hoodies shoved her down and grabbed her wealth

They snatched her purse and bolted, thinking fortune had been kind

But they never checked the luggage that was sleeping there inside

They ducked into an alley, laughing loudly at their prize

And popped the clasp, then heard a very furious rise

Out sprang a leprechaun who'd been napping through the ride

With a dozen traveling fairies buzzing angry at his

Oh, what a holiday, what a tale to tell

New York gave her trouble, but Dublin gave it hell

When rogues come looking for an easy little score

They might find a tiny army hiding in the drawer

The leprechaun went zig and zag, then hopped up like a hare

He tapped their cheeks and trousers with remarkable flair

The fairies buzzed around them like a swarm above a pie

And cast a cheeky little curse that made the hoodies cry

Their proudest bits grew teeny small as threads upon a seam

So tiny that a pair of tweezers was their grandest dream

They ran to hire a lawyer and complained of awful pain

Then sued the girl from Dublin

For their unfortunate campaign

The judge heard every story, took a thoughtful look around

The last described the robbery, the rogues described the ground

They begged her to pay dearly for their most embarrassing plight

But facts are stubborn creatures

When a courtroom's run right

The judge said, case dismissed, lads

Lack of evidence here

The fairies burst out laughing

The leprechaun shed a tear

The kailin took her purse back

And smiled from ear to ear

Then headed home to Dublin

With the strangest souvenir

With leprechaun and fairies rollin' laughin' all the way

She crossed the sea with satisfaction bright as break of day

She'd seen New York and college still was waiting at the door

But next time she'd bring a suitcase

And a tiny guard of four