Cereal Killer

Verse 1

Down at midnight in the grocery aisle glow,

A shadow in a trench coat movin’ way too slow,

He whistled at the shelves with a spoon held high,

Said “Tonight some breakfast mascots gonna die.”

First went Honey Nut Cheerios in a honey-drippin’ mess,

Then Frosted Flakes got stomped, “They’re GRRREAT?” I guess,

Froot Loops tried flyin’ off with Toucan Sam,

But the killer caught him smilin’ with a frying pan.

Chorus

He’s a cereal killer, laughin’ through the night,

Crunchin’ every mascot underneath fluorescent light,

Milk on his gloves and sugar in his hair,

He says, “Breakfast ain’t safe when I’m wanderin’ there.”

He loves the snap, crackle, crunch, and screams,

Livin’ every psycho breakfast-lover’s dreams,

Bowls full of chaos everywhere he goes,

A spoon in one hand and a trail of crumbs below.

Verse 2

Then Lucky Charms tried magic with a rainbow flash,

But the marshmallows exploded in a sugary crash,

Rice Krispies whispered “snap crackle pop,”

Till the killer yelled “Silence!” and made the popping stop.

Corn Flakes hid behind the cans of beans,

Shiverin’ like a victim in a breakfast horror scene,

The janitor walked in and nearly lost his mind,

Saw milk rivers and banana peels intertwined.

Chorus

He’s a cereal killer, laughin’ through the night,

Crunchin’ every mascot underneath fluorescent light,

Milk on his gloves and sugar in his hair,

He says, “Breakfast ain’t safe when I’m wanderin’ there.”

He loves the snap, crackle, crunch, and screams,

Livin’ every psycho breakfast-lover’s dreams,

Bowls full of chaos everywhere he goes,

A spoon in one hand and a trail of crumbs below.

Verse 3

Cocoa Puffs went cuckoo down aisle nine,

Screamin’ “This whole supermarket crime ain’t mine!”

Then Cap’n Crunch drew a plastic sword,

But the killer catapulted him overboard.

The freezers hummed low like a horror movie score,

While oatmeal watched terrified from the store,

A brave lil’ muffin tried to call the cops,

But slipped on strawberry yogurt and dropped.

Verse 4

Last stood Special K all healthy and proud,

Sayin’ “Maybe balanced diets calm this crowd,”

But the killer grinned wide with marshmallow breath,

Said “Low calories still lead to breakfast death.”

Then Trix ran yellin’ “Trix are for kids!”

Duckin’ through carts and jumpin’ over lids,

Till the killer raised his spoon up to the sky,

And the cereal aisle let out one crunchy cry.

Final Chorus

He’s a cereal killer, ruler of the grain,

Leave a bowl unattended and he strikes again,

No mascot safe when the moonlight spills,

Through the supermarket where he gets his thrills,

With a wicked grin and a stomach of steel,

He hunts every crunchy, sugary meal,

And somewhere in the dark by the fridge light glow…

You can hear him whisper: “Pass the Cheerios.”