Professionally Unhinged

Now, motherfucker, This shit right here...

I woke up this morning and chose violence.

Not physical violence.

Verbal fucking terrorism.

Because some of y'all need to be insulted back into reality.

And if the shoe fits?

Put that motherfucker on and walk your dumb ass home.

I got a mouth full of gasoline, a tongue like a razor,

Your whole personality needs a fucking undertaker.

You talk like a boss, but you move like a bitch,

Got a five-dollar brain with a million-dollar glitch.

You ain't intimidating, you're a walking disappointment,

Your mother should've gotten a fucking refund appointment.

You got the confidence of a king with no throne,

And the intelligence of a goddamn dial tone.

Bitch, please, don't mistake my kindness for weakness,

I'll roast your whole bloodline and leave you speechless.

You walk around acting like you're God's greatest creation,

But you're a fucking participation trophy with legs and bad communication.

Oh, you got something to say?

Well, spit that shit out!

Your brain's buffering,

Your mouth's running about!

You brought your whole ego,

But forgot your damn brain.

Now get your stupid ass

Out of my fucking lane!

THE DEVIL AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!

I'm a walking fucking felony!

Got more attitude than your whole damn family tree,

And enough bad language to make the preacher flee!

THE DEVIL AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!

I'm the motherfucking emergency!

You talk big shit, but you're weak as can be,

I'm a goddamn natural disaster with a mouth full of profanity!

Some people need a hug, some people need therapy,

Some people need a fucking exorcism and clarity.

You got more red flags than a communist parade,

And your last two brain cells are currently on unpaid leave.

You dumb motherfucker, what the hell is your plan?

You couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions in your hand.

You got a face like a Monday and an attitude like debt,

You're the biggest fucking mistake the universe hasn't corrected yet.

You think you're a prize? Bitch, you're a consolation,

A walking, talking case of poor genetic preparation.

Your ego's enormous, your accomplishments are small,

You're a participation ribbon at the stupidest ball.

Now hold the fuck on!

I have met some stupid motherfuckers in my life.

But some of y'all...

Some of y'all are so fucking stupid that when you walk into a room,

Artificial intelligence starts feeling superior!

You couldn't find your own ass with both hands and a flashlight!

And somehow...

SOMEHOW...

You got the audacity to tell ME how to live my life?!

Bitch, sit down before gravity files a complaint!

Fuck your fake friends, fuck your fake fame,

Fuck your little ego and your bullshit game.

Fuck your empty promises, fuck your little lies,

Fuck that surprised-ass look when somebody realizes.

You ain't a legend, you're a fucking rumor,

A walking bad decision with a goddamn sense of humor.

You got more excuses than a politician on trial,

And your whole damn existence needs a parental denial.

I'm not politically correct, I'm emotionally unemployed,

Got a mouth so reckless even Satan's annoyed.

I'm the reason HR keeps a bottle of wine,

And the reason your therapist says, "You're not doing fine."

Listen, motherfucker...

Life is short.

Your patience is shorter.

And some people are living proof

That evolution occasionally takes a fucking coffee break.

Now that's not an insult.

That's a scientific observation!

THE DEVIL AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME!

No filter, no apology, no humility!

You wanted smoke? Well, here's your reality!

I'm a goddamn public disturbance with a master's degree in profanity!

And remember something, motherfucker...

Not everybody deserves your attention.

Some people deserve a mirror,

A dictionary,

And a fucking wellness check.

Now get the hell out of here.

I'm done educating the unemployed brain cells.

GOOD FUCKING NIGHT!.