The Unreasonable Chamber

Verse 1

I think I've fallen for a man who's inconveniently deceased

With aristocratic cheekbones and a rather questionable feast

He said my dear eternity I said how terribly precise

A lifetime without dying must be lonely at that price

I'd like to kiss his darkness but I'd question its degree

For every ancient monster has a minor PhD

In making lonely women think the coffin is a throne

And I unfortunately find his loneliness like my own

Spoken

(small laugh) Mm

Verse 2

So I sat across the table with my notebook and my dread

And catalogued the angles of the way he turned his head

He has the sort of manners that were fashionable in graves

The kind of man who bows before he bothers to behave

I asked him what he thinks about when nothing needs his teeth

He said the wallpaper the weather and the people underneath

Which is either very funny or a symptom of despair

And I honestly can't tell which one is worse to find him in

Chorus

Oh Dracula oh Dracula you elegant mistake

I'm auditing the reasons that my intellect would break

Oh Dracula oh Dracula I'm drafting a critique

Of why a thinking woman finds a predator unique

Post-Chorus

Na na na

Na na na

Verse 3

His hands are very still for someone centuries in debt

Which suggests a certain practice at refusing to regret

And I wondered if restraint is just a habit he's rehearsed

Like a gentleman who's memorized the ending of the verse

Then I lost the thread entirely when he almost nearly smiled

A whole dissertation vanished and I felt about nine years old

Because I don't want his kingdom and I don't want his crown

I want to know what happens when my questions slow him down

Chorus

Oh Dracula oh Dracula you elegant mistake

I'm auditing the reasons that my intellect would break

Oh Dracula oh Dracula I'm drafting a critique

Of why a thinking woman finds a predator unique

Bridge

Maybe I just like the pause before a thing is said

Maybe I like the silence better than the bed

Maybe immortality is only polished talk

And garlic is less frightening than a knock

Verse 4

He asked me would I stay a while I said define a while

He said a century or seven and I nearly had to smile

I said I've got a lecture and a thesis due by spring

And he looked at me like I was the more terrifying thing

Chorus

Oh Dracula oh Dracula you elegant mistake

I'm auditing the reasons that my intellect would break

Oh Dracula oh Dracula I'm drafting a critique

Of why a thinking woman finds a predator unique

Spoken

(soft) Mm-hmm

Outro

So I'm still deciding

Still deciding

Whether to open the door

Mm