Your Uncle Don’t Know Shit

Intro

Look at him lurch in with a tie stuck askew

Mumbling bollocks ‘bout things he never knew

Pocket full of receipts he’ll never bloody check

Throws out advice like a right old wreck

Verse 1

He swears he built the city with his bare damn hands

Can’t fix a tap but he’s making these grand plans

He shouts about cricket and spits in his tea

Rambles on raucous and tipsy with glee

Pre-Chorus

Fetch him a pint before he forgets his name

He’ll spill half of it and curse just the same

Chorus

Your uncle don’t know shit

Struts around like he owns the damn place

Flapping his gums with that guffawing grin

But really don’t know shit

Verse 2

He’s fumbling his change at the bar again

Telling the barman so-called tales of might

Claiming he shook hands with the Queen last spring

And I just roll my eyes at that load of shite

Pre-Chorus

Wears his socks pulled up to his scabby knees

Swears he invented every joke he wheezes

Chorus

Your uncle don’t know shit

Sneers like a lord with a sandwich stuck in his teeth

Rattling nonsense till the pub starts to spin

But really don’t know shit

Post-Chorus

Da-da da da-da

Da-da da da-da

(He don’t know, he don’t know)

Outro

He’ll tell you how the world’s meant to go

But he don’t bloody know

No, your uncle don’t know shit

Coda

He’s spouting off bollocks about Parliament laws

Rants till he turns a bright shade of red

Knows every bloody thing, so he blathers and squawks

But really it’s all shite in his head

Hook

Oi oi oi, he don’t know shit

Oi oi oi, he don’t know jack

Oi oi oi, same old prat

Final Line

Light up another fag, let him yap and spit—

Your uncle don’t know shit

Extended Coda

Wouldn’t know his arse from a hole in the road

Still talks like he’s sprouted the crown

Every pint makes him more of a daft little toad

Parading his twaddle round town

Outro/Tag

He’s full of bollocks, that’s all he’ll admit

Let him witter away in his pit

Raise up your glasses, have one last fit

’Cause your uncle don’t know shit

Outro/Tag

He’s full of bollocks, that’s all he’ll admit

Let him witter away in his pit

Raise up your glasses, have one last fit

’Cause your uncle don’t know shit