Clap Your Hands Or Else

🎸 POP-PUNK VERSION: “SO TOLERANT IT HURTS!”

Tempo: 174 BPM

Key: G Major

Vibe: Blink-182 meets early Green Day with a smug megaphone

Intro – Gang Vocals

(Shouted over fast drums)

HEY! HEY!

WE’RE KINDNESS ON DISPLAY!

HEY! HEY!

BUT THINK LIKE US OR PAY!

Four palm-muted guitar chugs into full blast

[Verse 1] – Sneering Vocals

G – D – Em – C

We showed up with our banners, painted kindness by the yard,

If you question our opinions, we will label you as scarred.

We’re the heroes of compassion, we’re the future, we’re the light—

But we argue with our shadows and we always need a fight!

[Pre-Chorus] – Fast Build

Em – C – G – D

Every slogan’s like a scripture, every hashtag is a sword,

We defend our sacred tolerance by yelling till we’re bored!

Chorus – Anthem Mode, Big “Whoa-ohs”

G – D – Em – C

🎵 We’re so tolerant — can’t you see?

We melt down instantly if you disagree!

We preach acceptance, that’s our brand,

But logic’s hate speech in our land!

Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh-oh!

Don’t ask why — just clap your hands!

Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh-oh!

We tolerate as long as you comply with our demands! 🎵

(Crowd jumps. One guy spills oat milk.)

Verse 2 – Faster, Snottier

G – D – Em – C

We’re allergic to opinions that weren’t printed on our tees,

Our empathy is weaponized and sprayed like Febreze.

We claim to fight oppression, yeah, we’re warriors of peace,

But we scream for revolution if you ask for clarity!

Bridge – Spoken Meltdown, Chaos FX

(Guitars drop. Drums on floor tom.)

“This is emotional labor!

Your nuance is a crime!

Your silence is oppressive!

Agreeing late is not on time!

We are trauma-certified!

We breathe entitlement and pride!”

(Guitars explode back in.)

Breakdown – Pit Invite for People Who Hate Pits

Em – Em – C – D (half-time)

HEY!

We’re saving all humanity!

HEY!

By policing your identity!

HEY!

We’re peaceful, sweet, and wise—

Just don’t look behind our eyes...

(cymbal choke)

Final Chorus – Even Bigger

🎵 We’re so tolerant — don’t you dare!

We’ll love you loudly while we tear out all your hair!

We’re open-minded, that’s our stance,

But only if you never think or give dissent a chance! 🎵

Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh-oh!

Our freedom fits inside a box!

Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh-oh!

We guard the keys with TikTok talks!

Outro – Smug Whisper

Tolerance means never having to tolerate you.

(guitar squeal, feedback, dissonant pick scrape)