Biggest Show in the Desert

Verse 1

Whoa there rug man watch the tassels

Ten thousand years provides a real crick in the neck

Are you the master or just passing through the cavern

I expected someone slightly more

Tall

Perhaps with a better hat

But look at these garments

They scream thrift store chic from the late bronze age

Rub the brass and get the magic

I can make you a sultan or a submarine captain

Though I doubt those are invented yet

Pick a card

Any card

Wait that is for my Vegas residency

What can I do for you today besides look incredible

Chorus

Give it a rub and make a wish

Whatever your stomach desires

Anything on the whole menu

You got a friend for life right here

The biggest show in the desert

Verse 2

No killing or making people fall in love

And I definitely do not bring back those who have already left

Basic plumbing of the universe my friend

Let us talk business

How about a mountain of gems

Or an elephant with a trunk made of actual satin

You have got three big ones

The first is always a bit of a rush

A total blowout

I can whip up a parade with sixty camels

All dressed in matching sweaters

Since you seem like the type to appreciate the finer things

Just don't waste them on a snack

Chorus

Give it a rub and make a wish

Whatever your stomach desires

Anything on the whole menu

You got a friend for life right here

The biggest show in the desert

Verse 3

Think of the scale we are dealing with

I can provide the riches of a kingdom

Turn your vest into a tailored suit of armor

Complete with a cup holder for your beverage

I have been stuck in that cramped metal kettle

Listening to nothing but the sound of my own internal monologue

But now we are cooking

We are cooking with a very large stove

What is it going to be

A title

An army

A lifetime supply of fancy toothpicks

Step right up because the shop is open for business

I am feeling generous today

Larger than life and twice as funny

Chorus

Give it a rub and make a wish

Whatever your stomach desires

Anything on the whole menu

You got a friend for life right here

The biggest show in the desert!

Outro

Three wishes coming right up

It's showtime