The Bottle, The Wife & I

verse

The bottle and me are sitting at the table

In the corner hidden pretty good in the shadow

The bottle got me ordering the same label

Now, there's quite a few empty bottles but my friend won't let me say no

The bottle and me are enjoying each other's company

Singing along to some rock and roll and to some country

Suddenly, scared the crap out of me, this woman appears from nowhere

She's standing at the table looking at me madder than a banty hen

More dangerous than a pit bull, I think her name is Beware

She starts yelling at me and accusing everything on my friend

Whoa, whoa there, ma'am, why is friend taking all this blame

And why are you doing all this fussing when we don't even know you nor your name

Do what? Say what? I've been your husband twenty years of your life

Hold on, just a minute, while my friend and I talk, took a drink, damn, your right, you're my wife

chorus

The bottle and I started to giggle and laugh, just having fun

But my baby storms off and I yelled baby, just kidding, I love you hun

Well, I have to say bottle, my friend and to all the other friends

Looks like you we went and got myself into a pickle again

Another night being cold without a blanket in the doghouse

And being woke up by my old dog licking me in the mouth

verse

After a couple of days the wife and I made up, hugging and kissing

But at the end of the week I start to get to missing

So, I sneak off back down to the local bar hanging with my friend, the bottle

And it didn't take very much time when more friends arrived at the table

We got to singing along to rock and roll and country, I'm living it up

After hearing Toby's song I'm asking the waitress for a red solo cup

And more and more, pretty much the whole bar is in a huddle

Everyone is around me, everyone is in a muddle

As I was kicking it back, just chilling, having a good time, all my friends say

Ain't nothing like hanging out and enjoying a partying crowd on a Friday

Suddenly, once again, appears from nowhere stood the Mrs.

But she didn't have that mean look on her face nor signs of anything serious

She sat down grabbing one, joining me and all my friends

Made me nervous, scared me even more but became happy at the end

chorus

The bottle, the wife and I start to giggle and laugh, just having fun

The wife grabs me by the neck, hugs me tight and said to me, I love you hun

Well, I have to say bottle, my friend and to all the other friends

Looks like we went and got myself into a strange situation

This was no ordinary night, I was actually in my bed

And my wife close to me, wanting to play, head-to-head

outro

Sorry folks but this is where I turn off the light

Goodnight

end