Oh Holy nuts the nutrients I need to fart

Verse 1

Snow’s startin’ to blanket, but I’m heating up the room

Grandpa’s cursing at the stench—a nuclear perfume

Swillin’ gravy straight from the ladle, beans and ham

Let one slip, the dog howled, and Aunt Mabel ran

Chorus

Oh holy nuts my stomach’s primed for war tonight

Cranberry gas leaking left and right

I’m warning every guest who’s dumb enough to stay

When I light the yule fire, this whole block might pay

Chorus

Oh holy nuts the nutrients I need to fart

Santa’s sack is stuffed but my belly’s off the chart

Under mistletoe I’m letting loose with glee

Rudolph’s nose can’t handle what’s blasting outta me

Verse 2

Eggnog boils in my stomach like a sleigh in a ditch

Every carol’s interrupted by a deep guttural pitch

Candy canes and beans, it’s a gastrointestinal sin

I’m crop dusting stockings, let the gas games begin

Chorus

Oh holy nuts the nutrients I need to fart

Christmas dinner’s waiting but I’m tearing it apart

Grandma’s glares, the children staring with fright

One more brussel sprout and I’m blowing up the night

Verse 3

Bathroom’s occupied, so I’m blasting in the hall

Gingerbread men running from my yuletide windfall

Naughty list for me, I know I won’t be spared

Coal for my butt, I’m the stinkiest thing shared

Chorus

Oh holy nuts the nutrients I need to fart

Jingle bells rattling as I rip another part

Merry filthy Christmas, from my seat to thine

Next year I’m eating salad, skipping that festive swine

Verse 4

Gravy stains my shirt, mashed potato in my hair

Mulled wine farts wafting up, I pollute the frigid air

Uncle Joe’s cursing, he can’t find the Febreze

My yule log exploding, drop another slice of cheese

Chorus

Oh holy nuts, the family can’t take much more

Presents left unopened, they’re gagging on the floor

Santa sliding out, sleigh drifting through the sleet

If the elves had noses, they’d be running down the street

Verse 5

Turkey leftovers bubbling, my gut’s a ticking bomb

Cousin Eddie’s choking as I clear out the salon

Mistletoe’s wilted, grandma blames the dog

My farts hung heavy like a yuletide smog

Chorus

Oh holy nuts, no mercy for the kin

Mince pies detonating, let the flatulence begin

Stockings fleeing, logs burning way too hot

Deck the halls with stink and whatever else I’ve got

Verse 6

Spiked cider churning, I’m doubled over in pain

Socks pulled up but the blasts leave a stain

Candy wrappers flying, can’t cover up the mess

The reindeer took flight just to dodge my stank express

Chorus

Oh holy nuts, apocalypse in this place

Eggnog rivers flowing down every shocked face

Too stuffed to crawl, the feast has done me wrong

Hold your breath, say a prayer, this stench won’t be gone long