Max vs. The Roo

“Please Stop With the Kangaroo Jokes”

Verse 1

I met a bloke from Sydney, studying at uni,

Sharp as hell, but permanently grumpy.

I asked him, “Mate, your kangaroo outside okay?

Did you ride him here to class, or was he sick today?”

He sighed and said, “I’ve heard that joke since I was six years old.

Trust me, mate, by now it’s really getting old.

No, I don’t commute by roo, I catch the train instead.”

Then he shook his head so hard I thought he’d lose his head.

Chorus

Please stop with the kangaroo jokes,

Max has heard them all from a million different blokes.

“Got a pet koala?” “Do you box all your roos?”

“Do kangaroos deliver mail or help you tie your shoes?”

Every time you ask, he loses twenty IQs.

He’s Australian, not a walking zoo brochure, mate,

And one more “Crikey!” might determine his fate.

Verse 2

Max loves hanging by the Opera House at Sydney Harbour,

Watching ferries drift around the sparkling water farther.

But don’t assume he surfs each morning with a shark in tow,

He lives inland, far from beaches, thank you very much, you know.

He goes to university, studies hard, reads books,

Yet strangers only ask him if he cooks on barbecues.

“How many kangaroos live in your backyard right now?”

“Does your family keep one in the house somehow?”

He’d rather talk of films and music, politics or art,

But somebody yells, “Throw another shrimp!” before he even starts.

Chorus

Please stop with the kangaroo jokes,

Max has heard them all from a million different blokes.

“Do toilets flush backwards?” “Is everything deadly too?”

“Does your kangaroo have a name, and does he live with you?”

He smiles through the pain because that’s what Aussies do.

Bridge

Now, to be fair, there are some things that Max admits are true.

Little spiders climb in sleeves and sometimes trousers too.

And if his shoes stay outside overnight beneath the stars,

He bangs them out for snakes before he puts them on his feet each dawn.

Tiny spiders terrify him, which seems unfair somehow,

Because Australia already has enough things trying to kill you now.

(Final Chorus)

Please stop with the kangaroo jokes,

Before Max disappears in angry clouds of smoke.

He’s from Sydney, goes to uni, likes the harbour view,

And despite all your assumptions, he’s remarkably like you.

Except for checking shoes for snakes and spiders in his pants…

So perhaps Australia really is a different circumstance.

No, he doesn’t ride a kangaroo. No, they don’t stop at traffic lights.

And if you ask him one more time, he just might lose his mind.