Never Trust A Fart Twice

Intro – Spoken

It started with a rumble...

A warning from below...

I thought I knew my body...

Apparently, I didn't know.

Verse 1

I was standing in the kitchen, feeling pretty damn fine,

Then my stomach started sending me a warning sign.

I thought I'd let a little pressure escape,

But now I'm standing here contemplating my fate!

I tried to play it cool, tried to walk away,

But my underwear just ruined my entire day.

One little bubble, one terrible choice,

Now there's a thousand-yard stare and a crack in my voice!

Pre-Chorus

Oh no! Here we go!

Something's happening down below!

Too late! Can't escape!

I've just made the worst mistake!

Chorus

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THAT FART!

It came out swinging and it tore me apart!

I thought it was gas, just a little release,

Now I'm praying to God for some underwear peace!

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THAT SOUND!

My whole damn world just came crashing down!

I played with fire, now I'm paying the price,

NEVER TRUST A FART TWICE!

Verse 2

I'm walking like a robot, got a problem with my stride,

There's a crime scene in my pants and nowhere left to hide.

My buddy asked me why I'm looking so pale,

I said, "Don't ask questions, I've got a terrible tale!"

I ran toward the bathroom like a man possessed,

Every step I took was another stress test.

I kicked down the door, threw my dignity away,

And swore I'd never gamble with my ass again!

Bridge – Breakdown / Spoken

STOP THE MUSIC!

Let me make something perfectly clear...

You can trust your friends.

You can trust your family.

You can trust your favorite dog.

BUT NEVER...

EVER...

TRUST A FART!

Final Chorus

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THAT FART!

It was a ticking time bomb right from the start!

I thought I was safe, thought I was smart,

But now I've got trauma in my favorite pants!

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THAT SOUND!

There's not enough bleach to clean this town!

I'll never forget, I'll never restart,

THE DAY I LOST THE WAR WITH A FART!

Outro – Spoken

Tomorrow is a new day...

New pants.

New underwear.

Same stupid decisions.

Sound of stomach rumbling

Oh, hell no!