Coma

Verse 1

December rain against the stained glass window pane

Brain in a stranglehold, veins feel like they carry novocaine

Novel ways to explain the pain that I contain inside

Stained with the remnants of a man who couldn't tame the tide

I wrote my name in charcoal on the bathroom tile floor

Crawled toward the exit but I tore the northern door off its hinge

Synapse misfire, my entire empire of thought is a singe

Fingerprint smudge on the ledge, I'm on the edge, I won't flinch

Verse 2

Mama told me mornings matter most but most my mornings

Melt into the mattress, maddening patterns forming

Mumbling to the moonlight, my mind's a muffled murmur

Moved through the motions but my motor's missing murmurs

Muddy water metaphor, my mirror's mired in mist

Mellow misery, my marrow's making morbid lists

Medicine the metaphor, my method's my own myth

Muted moonlight mercy, my memory's a monolith

Verse 3

I trace the base of my face in the mirror, clearer fear appears

Sheer veneer of a peer who steered his career to a pier

And leaped — the concrete street beneath his feet was incomplete

The heartbeat repeats defeat, the sheet of rain can't wash the stain

Of what remains inside my brain, a train of thought derailed and caught

In crossfire of my own desire to expire on the wire

The choir of my inner liars conspires, requires I perspire

And retire from this empire of mire and mire and mire

Verse 4

The rafters in this attic hold the static of my last breath

Drafted on a napkin, the epitaph of a man who laughed at death

Now I'm drafting my goodbye in the fractured light of a dying bulb

The sky is dull, my hands are full of everything I couldn't pull

From the wreckage of a childhood that collected wounds like trophies

I hold these folded notes like holy robes, they know me

The rope is coiled on the floor — no, I won't use the rope

I chose the slow dissolve, the cold approach, the overdose

Let me paint this final frame: the November wind

Whipping through the window screen, a scene I've always been in

I'm sitting in the bathtub fully dressed, I must confess

The water running over, I'm discovering what's left

And there's a letter on the sink that says I'm sorry for the mess

But there's no mess to clean up, I've cleaned up every trace

Of my existence from this place, erased my face from every photograph

You'll laugh when you remember me — remember that

I loved the rain, I loved the pain of coming home again

But home was never home, just four walls that I roamed in

So I wrote this with a shaking hand, a final command

Don't bury me in silence, bury me in what I couldn't stand

I couldn't stand the way the morning came and went without a word

I couldn't stand the way I heard my own voice and it blurred

Into a frequency too low for any human ear to hear

The fear is clear: I disappeared long before I left this year

The water's warm now, like a welcome from a friend I never had

The sadness is a sad song that I sing to make it end

And as the room spins slow and slow, I let the undertow

Take everything I used to know and let the echoes go

The ceiling tiles look like clouds from where I'm sinking now

I'm thinking how I never learned to let somebody in

So this is how it ends — not with a bang but with a bath

With a laugh caught in my throat like broken glass

The last vibration, a sensation of release

The lease on my existence finally ceased

I am the ghost I always was, just finally given form

The storm is warm, the norm is gone, I'm gone.