Lyrics
[Intro]
I love water slides and I love dairy too
But putting them together is the dumbest thing I'll ever do
Do do-do do-do do-do!
[Verse 1]
Triple cheese nachos with an extra gooey melt
Right before the tallest slide the tower's ever built
I climb a hundred steps with a gurgle in my gut
Lifeguard asks me something but my brain is shut
[Pre-Chorus]
Oh the smoothie looked so harmless sitting there so cold
But my stomach's doing backflips and my confidence's all sold
[Chorus]
Lactose intolerance and water slides don't match
One wrong milkshake and I'm making a big splash
Cheese curds in my stomach then the drop begins
Now the whole park's screaming somebody call the medics
[Post-Chorus]
Splash splash splish
Here comes the dish
Splash splash splish
I made a big wish
[Verse 2]
Lazy river ice cream with a waffle cone so crisp
I float along so peaceful till my belly starts to twist
The slightest little tremor and I know it's going south
I'm clutching at the tubes with my dairy coming out of my mouth
[Pre-Chorus]
Slow motion at the edge and the regret hits like a truck
My intestines are a freight train and I'm completely out of luck
[Chorus]
Lactose intolerance and water slides don't match
One wrong milkshake and I'm making a big splash
Cheese curds in my stomach then the drop begins
Now the whole park's screaming somebody call the medics
[Post-Chorus]
Splash splash splish
Here comes the dish
Splash splash splish
I made a big wish
[Bridge]
Whistle's blowing every which way from the far and near
This is one emergency they don't cover in the brochure here
Every single lifeguard has a clipboard and a frown
And I'm dripping at the exit with my dignity shut down
[Chorus]
Lactose intolerance and water slides don't match
One wrong milkshake and I'm making a big splash
Cheese curds in my stomach then the drop begins
Now the whole park's screaming somebody call the medics
[Post-Chorus]
Splash splash splish
Here comes the dish
Splash splash splish
I made a big wish
[Final Chorus]
Somebody slow me down that soft serve's calling out my name
(Lacto-free they said the sign about a milkshake with no shame)
One more little swirl and I'm headed for the slide
(Here we go again I just can't help my stupid pride)
Lactose intolerance and water slides don't match
(They don't match!)
One wrong milkshake and I'm making a big splash
(Big splash!)
Somebody call the medics! Somebody call the medics!
Sing it with me folks. Splash splish. Splash splish. Splash splish. Splash!