Worst Person Alive

Verse 1

I'm a dick with a dream and a debit card

Got a girl in my phone that I barely call

She said I never listen, I said, "What'd you say?"

Then I changed the subject and I drove away

Verse 2

I'm a five-star mess with a two-star face

Got a lot of big talk and a little bit of taste

She said she wants a man who's emotionally available

I said, "I'm emotionally downloadable"

Verse 3

Your boyfriend looks like he asks for permission

I look like I got banned from a family function

I'm not a role model, I'm a bad decision

Got commitment issues and a great television

Chorus

Oh, don't love me, baby, I'm no good

I do everything you said I never would

You knew what I was when you walked inside

Now you're actin' surprised that I ruined your night

(That's crazy)

Verse 4

I'm so damn arrogant, it's almost impressive

Got a superiority complex, no credentials

She said, "You a narcissist," I said, "Interesting"

Then talked about myself for another 20 minutes

Verse 5

I'm in the club lookin' socially awkward

Talkin' real big but my wallet says otherwise

She wants a relationship, I want some attention

She wants an explanation, I forgot the question

Verse 6

I ain't even handsome, I'm just entertaining

Got a face for radio and a brain that's complainin'

She said, "You a problem," I said, "Stop explainin'"

You knew I was a mess when you started complainin' (anyway)

Chorus

Oh, don't love me, baby, I'm no good

I do everything you said I never would

You knew what I was when you walked inside

Now you're actin' surprised that I ruined your night (wait, wait, wait)

Outro

You said I'm a bad person?

That's crazy

Anyway

I think I'm a pretty good guy

I mean, relatively

Compared to who?

I don't know