The Makarska Apartment Blues

Intro

Well gather round and let me tell you a tale

About a summer rental that went off the rails

(Oh no)

(Here we go)

Verse 1

I booked a room in Makarska online

The photos showed a palace looking divine

The price was cheap the reviews were grand

Said sea view included with a towel and a fan

We drove eleven hours through the mountain pass

My wife said honey this better be first class

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Verse 2

The key was hidden under a rusty old pot

The neighbor lady told me that the owner forgot

She said the shower runs for exactly one minute

Then the water turns to ice and there's a bug living in it

I paid in cash and I signed my name

And the chandelier fell down like a summer rain

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Verse 3

Well the stairs creak like an old church choir

The mandolin next door never seems to tire

My cousin said bro this is paradise

Then a rooster woke us up at a quarter to five

The wifi signal is a distant dream

And the hot tub is a bucket by a stream

I tried to cook and blew the whole town's fuse

The landlord said sorry that's the power you choose

Bridge

I could have stayed home with my cat and my chair

Instead I paid good money for this nightmare

The brochure promised a Mediterranean gem

I got a closet with a view of a problem

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Outro

So if you see a bargain down in Makarska town

Just keep on driving don't you slow it down

(Keep on driving)

(Don't slow down)

(Keep on

Verse 4

Well I called the agency three separate times

They said sir the listing clearly states no crimes

I said the sink is dripping something thick and green

They said that is authentic and part of the scene

My neighbor's klapa singing starts at half past two

And they only know the sad songs and they sing them out of tune

The old man on the balcony wears one single shoe

And he yells at all the tourists like it's something he must do

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Verse 5

Well the fridge hums a tune from nineteen eighty-four

And the microwave just beeps and wants a whole lot more

There's a bracelet left behind from someone long ago

A name in faded ink that I will never get to know

I found a photo underneath the crooked kitchen tile

Some smiling family standing by the sea for just a while

I asked the landlord who they were he said don't you mind

Everybody leaves a little something here behind

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Bridge

I dreamt the walls grew closer in the night

And the poster sea turned into actual light

I woke up sweating in a folding chair

The landlord stood there smiling like he'd always been there

He said the season's ending soon my friend

You're the last one left before the autumn wind

I paid for seven nights and got an eighth for free

A little bonus that I never asked to see

Verse 6

Well the rooster has a brother and he crows at three

The shower now runs backwards and it sings to me

A little melody in three-four time

The kind they play at weddings and at funerals sometimes

My wife has started packing and she won't say why

She just keeps looking at the ceiling with a certain eye

My cousin says relax bro the sea is right there

Then a tourist bus unloads into the hallway square

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Verse 7

Well I met a man who stayed here back in ninety-eight

He never left he said the rent was worth the wait

He sleeps out on the terrace in a chair made of string

And every morning softly greets the morning like a king

He told me all the secrets of this concrete little nest

Which outlets work which neighbors you should never ever test

He said the owner's cousin's uncle owns the whole darn street

And every summer fills it up with people he will never meet

Bridge

So here I sit with wine that tastes like week-old rain

Watching shadows slide across the windowpane

The mandolin next door has finally gone to bed

But the pipes are singing opera in my head

I came for sun and sea and a little bit of peace

I got a lesson in how summers never cease

To make you wonder why you ever paid to leave

Your cat and chair and everything you could believe

Chorus

Welcome to the apartment my friend

The toilet is outside around the bend

The sea view is a poster on the wall

And the landlord never answers when you call

Welcome to the apartment my friend

Where the air conditioner is mostly pretend

Post-Chorus

(Book it book it)

(Don't you do it)

(Book it book it)

(Won't regret it)

Outro

So the moral of the story isn't hard to find

When the price looks like a gift it's got a hook behind

The Adriatic's lovely from a proper hotel

With working doors and windows and a front desk and a bell

(Book it book it)

(Could have warned you)

(Book