The Monster Was Me

Verse 1

I wake up with a stranger breathing somewhere in my chest

Every morning I convince myself that maybe I'm depressed

Maybe there's a name for this

A chemical that's out of place

Something I can point toward

So I don't have to blame my face

Pre-Chorus

But lately I've been thinking

What if nothing went astray

What if this isn't something broken

What if I was built this way

Chorus

I'm losing sleep

I'm losing time

I'm losing pieces of myself I didn't know were still alive

I ask for help

I change my mind

Because admitting that I need it means admitting I'm not fine

Verse 2

So tell me what the fuck this is

Tell me where the sickness starts

Tell me why I'm full of violence

When there's nothing left to guard

Tell me why I hate the silence

But I hate the voices more

Why I keep begging for salvation

While I'm barricading every door

Pre-Chorus

I tried God

I tried reason

I tried blaming everyone

I screamed questions at the ceiling

Until questions became none

Chorus

I'm losing sleep

I'm losing time

I'm losing pieces of myself I didn't know were still alive

I ask for help

I change my mind

Because admitting that I need it means admitting I'm not fine

Bridge

Because silence has an answer

If you listen long enough

Nobody's coming down to save you

From the person you've become

And I'm getting fucking tired

Of pretending I'm afraid

Of the thoughts that keep appearing

When there's nobody awake

Verse 3

I keep looking in the mirror

Like I'll catch somebody there

Something evil standing behind me

Something separate I can fear

But there isn't

Just my eyes

Just my face

Just another fucking night

Where I search myself for evidence

That something isn't right

Pre-Chorus

Is it madness

Is it hatred

Is it something I survived

Is there still a human underneath

Or just a body acting like one is alive

Chorus

I'm losing sleep

I'm losing time

I'm losing pieces of myself I didn't know were still alive

I ask for help

I change my mind

Because admitting that I need it means admitting I'm not fine

Breakdown

Everybody wants a reason

Everybody needs a name

Because monster sounds much safer

When the monster can be blamed

So diagnose me

Fucking fix me

Give the darkness somewhere else to live

Give me anything that proves

There's something here that I can still forgive

Verse 4

Because I've searched through every memory

I've ripped apart my mind

I've blamed the world

I've blamed myself

I've blamed whatever God I couldn't find

And every answer dies eventually

Every excuse decays

Until there's only one thing left

I haven't had the nerve to say

Pre-Chorus

Maybe nothing took control of me

Maybe nothing crawled inside

Maybe there was never something evil

Waiting somewhere out of sight

Chorus

I'm losing sleep

I'm losing time

I'm losing pieces of myself I didn't know were still alive

I ask for help

I change my mind

Because admitting that I need it means admitting I'm not fine

Outro

Maybe I've been searching for the monster

Because I couldn't stand the truth

I wasn't becoming it

I was only becoming honest

About what was already there