Not Going Back

Intro

Yeah

Ha ha

Yeah

I put the bottle down

Verse 1

Twelve years old with a fist full of fury

Watched the old man swing at the wall

Mumma hid the bruises under long sleeves

I learned to run before I learned to crawl

Promised myself I'd never be him

Then I caught my own reflection in the glass

Same red eyes same shaking hands

Same voice screaming that this feeling wouldn't last

Pre-Chorus

So I drank to forget the yelling

Drank to forget the shame

Drank until my own name sounded foreign

Drank until nothing felt the same

Chorus

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Loved a life of hell and I'm not going back

But the fear of dying still pulls me off track

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Hands shaking but I'm standing on my feet

Something in me still refuses to retreat

Post-Chorus

Yeah yeah

Ha ha

Yeah yeah

Not going back

Verse 2

Doctor said my liver was a war zone

Twelve months clean and I still smell the smoke

Every party feels like a loaded weapon

Every laugh could be the last joke

Mumma calls me crying on a Sunday

Says she prays I make it to the light

I tell her I'm fine but my chest is a drumbeat

Scared to sleep scared to wake up at night

Pre-Chorus

I don't drink to forget the yelling

Don't drink to bury shame

But the quiet in my head gets louder

And the fear still knows my name

Chorus

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Loved a life of hell and I'm not going back

But the fear of dying still pulls me off track

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Hands shaking but I'm standing on my feet

Something in me still refuses to retreat

Drop

I put the bottle down

Not going back

Bridge

Maybe dying ain't the monster

Maybe living is the fight

Maybe breathing through the terror

Is the bravest thing I'll ever get right

Chorus

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Loved a life of hell and I'm not going back

But the fear of dying still pulls me off track

I put the bottle down

I put the bottle down

Hands shaking but I'm standing on my feet

Something in me still refuses to retreat

Post-Chorus

Yeah yeah

Ha ha

Yeah

I put the bottle down