Lyrics
Verse 1
Early morning hangover, tree's half-dead
Dog’s in the tinsel, stepping on gingerbread
Last night’s disasters, wine on the floor
Who the hell’s snoring? Someone locked out the door
Pre-Chorus
The garland’s shredded, grandma’s flipping the bird
We’re the worst damn family you ever heard
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Smash those gifts, it’s completely irrational
Booze in the cocoa, raging with cheer
Here’s to the messiest day of the year
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, deck the halls in fear
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Get out the gin and blast the damn carol
Singin loud, we don’t give a damn
It’s holiday hell, pass the honey ham
Verse 2
Socks on my feet, booze in my hand
Grandma’s piss-drunk, cursing like a madman
Tinsel in the gutter, kids yellin’ shut up
Santa’s in the alley, he’s had enough
Pre-Chorus
The lights are blown, the fire is cracklin’ hot
None of us care if we get caught
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Throw your wrapping, be irrational
Smack a drum, or spill your beer
Here’s to surviving another damn year
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, a happy new year
Verse 3
Glitter on the fridge, gravy on the floor
Uncle snoring loud, boots at the door
Yelling at the TV, starting another fight
Pie on the ceiling, what a trashy sight
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Swearin' at the tree, you're so dysfunctional
Burnt the damn turkey, but who even cares
Just pour another whiskey, blast Mariah upstairs
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, and a rotten new year
Verse 4
Sticky tape on the cat, someone puked on the sled
Dad’s swearing at the lights, they're all tangled instead
Nutcracker’s missing his goddamn jaw
The bathroom smells just like eggnog and awe
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Rip up your cards, get completely intolerable
Fill your cup high, scream at the screen
Filthy and proud, now let’s make a scene
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, raise a rotten cheer
Verse 5
Ash in the cookies, dog pissed on the rug
Aunt Carol’s losing money playing strip poker with a thug
Cranberry sauce stains the damn wall
Someone’s mooning neighbors, hear the drunken brawl
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Shout in the snow, sing like a criminal
No one’s behaving, the whole block’s obscene
Cheers to our mess, this dysfunctional scene
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, and a brutal new year
Verse 6
Coffee in the punch bowl, who spiked it this year
Grandpa’s in the armchair yelling “get me more beer!”
Ripped up the stockings, broke the damn lamp
Nobody’s sober at this holiday camp
Chorus
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
Choked on fruitcake, shoes in the urinal
Screaming at the radio, tearing paper in rage
Raise a glass high for this unholy stage
Post-Chorus
Oh oh oh, you filthy animal
Oh oh oh, one helluva new year
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