Plastic Toddler Toys

Verse 1

I used to write masterpieces 'bout tear-stained guitars

Now I'm strumming a broomstick and singing to jars

My lyrics used to make whole stadiums cry

Now I'm rhyming "banana" with "shoe-lace tie"

My producer is weeping, my cat is confused

I played my new single and the goldfish refused

To even stay floating—it swam out of sight!

I'm dropping total bologna tonight!

Chorus

'Cause my new stuff is buns, yeah, it's certified trash!

It sounds like a raccoon that's crashing a bash!

I traded deep poetry for squeaky-toy sound

Now I'm the biggest goofy-goober around!

Beep-boop, ding-dong, utter nonsense and noise,

Making platinum records out of plastic toddler toys!

Verse 2

And then there's big Travis, a walking cartoon

Who looks like a giant marshmallow launched at the moon!

He's wearing neon green overalls, dancing real weird

With a mustache that looks like a caterpillar beard

He's yelling "GO BIRDS!" at a bowling alley pin

Trying to eat soup with a giant wooden fin

We're a circus of silliness, two giant dorks

Eating bowls of Cap'n Crunch with salad forks!

Chorus

'Cause my new stuff is buns, yeah, it's certified trash!

It sounds like a raccoon that's crashing a bash!

I traded deep poetry for squeaky-toy sound

Now I'm the biggest goofy-goober around!

Beep-boop, ding-dong, utter nonsense and noise,

Making platinum records out of plastic toddler toys!

Bridge - Spoken

"Hey Travis, what rhymes with stadium?"

"Uh... potato-ium?"

"Brilliant! Put it on Track 4!"

We're wearing clown shoes on the red carpet aisle,

If you listen to the bridge you'll lose brain cells a mile!

Honk the nose! Roll the tape!

This entire album is taped together with duct tape!

Outro

Yeah, it's buns!

Total honk-honk silly sauce!

Someone fetch me my serious songwriter hat!

Travis, take the lampshade off your head!