Track 1

Phone ringing

Pizza Hut:

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut, how can I help you tonight?

Guy:

Hey yeah hi um—quick question

Do you guys still believe in love?

Pizza Hut:

…Sir?

Guy:

Like—hypothetically

If love was a large

Would it come with extra cheese?

Pizza Hut:

Is this about an order?

Guy (singing now):

🎶 I was gonna get a pepperoni

But my heart says destinyyyyy 🎶

Pizza Hut:

Sir, are you singing?

Guy:

Only because the hold music inspired me.

Pizza Hut:

Please don’t sing at the employees.

Guy (soft acoustic):

🎶 I’ll keep it short, I swear

Just me and this phone call prayer 🎶

Pizza Hut:

Okay… what size pizza?

Guy (sudden epic chorus):

🎶 WHAT SIZE IS THE VOID INSIDE US

WHEN THE GARLIC KNOTS ARE GOOOONE 🎶

Pizza Hut:

Sir I’m going to put you on hold.

HOLD MUSIC PLAYS

Guy (harmonizing with it):

🎶 Ba-da-da-da

This beat slaps actually 🎶

Pizza Hut:

Sir please stop remixing the hold music.

Guy:

Too late—I’ve added a bridge.

Pizza Hut:

Do you want breadsticks or not.

Guy (whisper-sincere):

I want to be understood.

Pizza Hut:

…That’ll be $12.99.

Guy (FINAL BELT):

🎶 TWELVE NINETY-NIIIIINE

FOR A LOVE THAT’S HOT AND ROUND 🎶

🎶 IF THIS IS WRONG

THEN WHY’S IT FEEL LIKE HOME 🎶

Pizza Hut:

Sir. Please.

Guy:

Okay okay—last question.

Pizza Hut:

Fine.

Guy:

If I tip emotionally…

Will the pizza arrive faster?

Pizza Hut:

I’m hanging up.

Guy (quiet, earnest):

Worth it.

Click